dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
