dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
