she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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