her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
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I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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