he shaved USA in his pubs
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
my poor anus
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
