thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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