Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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