this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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