North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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