You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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