So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
