I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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