I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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