Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
