Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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