Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
