The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
