I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
