I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
