white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
