just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
