I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
40s are totally the cure
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
