Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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