Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We have so much sex to catch up on
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
