I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
