Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
