Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
