ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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