Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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