Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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