literally had 100 drinks last night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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