My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just cropdusted the office
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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