He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Your penis caused this!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
