idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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