I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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