Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
