I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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