i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
should my penis look like a turkey
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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