Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
