I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
