Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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