I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
