So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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