it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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