what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
