apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
