my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
