AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
