and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
