Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
