I have demons in me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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