I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
