i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We had sex on a dog bed..
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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