Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
