this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
