yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
