My liver just broke up with me...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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