She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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