he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
