Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
