Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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