This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
