Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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