in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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