Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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