I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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