Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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