I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
